The little girl in Africa needs to know Crisco brand vegetable shortening has other uses besides making flaky pie crusts and frying chicken*. She also needs to know where to buy it online.


*Actually, the article doesn't mention these uses at all.

Nice find, and welcome to Fistopedia!

Oh, no...this site is getting more and more ridiculous with each new day!

To make it clear, it's the pie crust and fried chicken uses for Crisco, that aren't mentioned in WP. But Benjiboi has made sure that fisting is mentioned.

And not as Trivia! Per WP:TRIVIA, we'd like this use incorporated into the general article, where it can be stumbled upon by the little piemakers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=...oldid=329332069

And if you don't like it, shut yer pie-hole.

MR

Wondering again about Karmafist (T-C-L-K-R-D) ....

In Mexico and France, we use lard.

Crisco is so industrial.

Hence the term lard-ass, yes?

Which is interesting, since chubby Benji's photos suggest he's been indulging in fried chicken and pie, too!

Perhaps all at once. Along with scratching and beat juggling. Just a guess.

The English band Frankie Goes to Hollywood had a song on their Welcome to the Pleasuredome album called Crisco kisses. I think this article needs a pop culture section

Which hole is my pie-hole?

I dunno, but on one notable episode of Futurama, Gore was most anxious to inspect Fry's Fry-hole. Fry asks him if he wants to.....

Incidently, Fry is voiced nearly straight by Billy West, perhaps the best voice-actor alive (he also does Zoidberg and the Prof and many others). And perhaps the most candid interview of West to date was nailed by.... David Shankbone.

Just to play the connection game.

And so starts the battle

Amazing. As gay as he is, he's got big iron balls to insert that stuff into a WP article.

WP has an endless number of little cabals, all run by freaks and all pushing freaky little subcultures.

Is there much real difference between Lyndon-LaRouche-pushing,
animal-rights-pushing, naked-shorting-pushing, and Crisco-up-the-ass-pushing?

Actually, Benjiboi is quite correct that Crisco has that use, but maybe some things are best kept out of a general encyclopaedia.

This might be one of those questions that I wind up regretting, but assuming this is true wouldn't it be a better fit for shortening? I mean, if Crisco is useful for this purpose, wouldn't the same be true of other brands?

It seems that the brand is part of the sex appeal.

Somehow, I suspect that the supermarket displays for Crisco will not be mentioning this innovative use for their product as part of their Christmas promotional efforts.

And for those of us on a budget -- do the lesser priced store brands work the same as Crisco for this non-culinary effort?

They would likely contain animal fat, which would not pass the SlimVirgin test. Crisco is 100% vegetable oil.

J. M. Smucker should get right on this as a brand attribute -- "The only Wikipedia-approved shortening suitable for fisting!"

I could be mistaken about this (and as a nominal vegetarian, I should probably check it out), but I think most of what's marketed up here as "shortening" is vegetable only, with the animal stuff being identified as lard. Unfortunately, being a lazy male university student I don't do a lot of baking, so I haven't got any in my fridge.

Where we're from, the term is "fat lard."

Yeah, Brand-o would never settle for Brand-x.


Try checking in the cabinets below the spoon-drawer, or on the lazy susan if you've got one. I've never heard of anyone refrigerating vegetable oil. For most people I think container size alone would discourage it.

Eric, it may be time to update your homophobic slurs. That one seems a bit dated to me. (But I have to agree on the cabals part.)

Oh, I've got plenty of vegetable oil (none of it in the fridge). But no shortening (which I was brought up to refrigerate, though that might be one of those things that one's parents do that one grows up assuming are normal, but are actually batshit).

I'd recommend a look on the talk page.





As for the Frankie Goes to Hollywood trivia, the Germans are ahead there!

In the US, products sold unrefrigerated intended to be refrigerated say "refrigerate after opening" on the label - do they not do that in Canada?

For practical purposes shortening is veggie oil with a higher melting point, owing to the hydrogenation process. This also gives the shortening a longer shelf life than liquid oils, even before half a dozen preservatives are added. Lower storage temperature may extend it a bit longer but if this is a concern, your mom picked the wrong one to keep cold.

Just a thought: has anybody wondered what the J.M. Smucker Company, who owns the Cricso brand thinks of this? I wonder what Ms. Marybeth Badirtscher (330.682.3000), their director of corporate communications thinks of this?

Oh good. So, the fall back tactic would appear to be the implication that the only reason you could want it to be removed from the article is if you are homophobic... who'd have thought discussing Crisco on Wikipedia could be a hate crime?

That is the correct answer. Basically, vegetable shortening like Crisco brand, is an attempt to create "artificial lard" by hydrogenating (cheap) vegetable oil. [Whenever you see something sold as mere generic "vegetable oil" in the US, that means it is soybean oil]. Hydrogenation particularly destroys the really unstable-to-oxygen-attack fatty acids that make vegetable oils go rancid-- some faster than others. The worst player here is the alpha linolenic acid (ALA) oils-- this is the one infamous for being what makes paint-thinner, linseed oil, oxidize in air so fast that it ignites spontaneously.

Alas for the unintended consequences: the ALA in oils, and some extent other kinds of polyunsaturates also in vegetable oils, are essential fatty acids you need in your diet, a bit like vitamins. If you don't get them, you probably are more suceptable to atherosclerosis. You can actually give atherosclerosis to dogs (which normally NEVER get it) by feeding them nothing but hydrogenated oil for fat. It's not the saturated fat at all, so much as lack of polyunsaturated fat, plus also trans-fats.

The trans-fats in many hydrogenated things are the SECOND part of the unintended consequences. High temp hydrogenation makes these things. There are some trans-fats in milk (they are made by bacteria in cow guts), but in few other places in nature. The ones made in shortening are not even the same set as in milk. Unlike milk-fats, the trans-fats in shortening are epidemiologically disasterous, and they raise both blood cholesterol and risk of atherosclerosis worse than anything known. Before about a decade ago in the US, they were in high levels in plain vegetable shortening for cooking, and also in most margarine (which is vegetable shortening with coloring and flavor). Since then, political pressure from consumer health advocate groups has mostly taken them out, but not before half a century of vegetable shortening arguably caused an epidemic of atherosclerosis (showing up mostly as heart disease, but also as many other problems from ED to stroke). Crisco has gotten rid of most of its trans-fats, but not all. The US was far slower to do this than Europe-- another razzberry for unregulated capitalism.

If you let your oils and even shortenings sit around, both eventually will go rancid, due to the residual unsaturated fats in them. But the shortenings are far more resistant to this, as was noted.


They don't have to. Instead of "Refrigerate after opening," in Canada it merely says, "Open at home." Or sometimes that's assumed, eh, and it says nothing.

This has actually been going on since January 2006, by the looks of it. (That link is to only the seventh edit in the article's entire history.)

I don't consider myself a homophobe or anything like that, but to suggest these things should be included because of the product's supposed "massive popularity with the gay community" is really kind of absurd. I mean, vastly more people have sex on Satin Sheets (T-H-L-K-D) than use Crisco for sexual purposes, but the WP article on satin sheets is about a hit song by that name from 1973, not bed-linens (though it does mention sex in passing). Meanwhile, the article on Astroglide (T-H-L-K-D) currently doesn't contain the word "sex" at all.

Crisco has now been liberally applied to the [[Fisting]] article, where I was surprised to learn that

That final "(s)" seems a bit gratuitous.

Or not! If it serves to further focus your mind on the mechanics of two-armed fisting. Something you might have considered insufficiently, or even missed, with just one reference to it in a sentence. The mind operating as it does. One person might not be able to insert both arms to both shoulders. But two persons at a time, each using one arm, in tandem right shoulder to left shoulder, might.

Good thing they don't let kids read this thing. What would the parents say.

Very good - I shall belittle my parents for this when I see them at Christmas. That'll learn them to insist that I visit.

Ayup. I'm homophobic now, too Something I wasn't aware of, though I'm openly bisexual myself (and more besides).

If Feline1's arguments are to be accepted, pretty soon every product that can be reliably sourced as a sexual accoutrement like Chocolate syrup, Whipped cream, Cucumber, Vaseline, Olive oil etc. will get an "other uses" section.

Penis

Other uses

As well as puppetry, fishing, sword fighting and bagpiping the penis can also be used for sexual intercourse.



"I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam"

Horseshit. Speaking as someone with some medical background, who has spent time in Emergency Departments, "up to the shoulder"? I think not. I requested a {{citation needed}}. I shudder to think at what might be offered.

There's more past bisexual?




Graduate courses?

Thanks, I wouldn't have considered the possibility of that.

Yeah (upon further reflection) if you reach that far you're liable to knock someone's teeth out.

I don't care to check but there's a good chance that (a) it was vandalized from "elbow", then made plural, and (b) the next edit will be something like "rv homophobic trolling".

It would be enough to mention in the "other uses" section that it is sometimes used as a sexual lubricant. Any further elaboration is unnecessary.

It also amuses me that the lede explicitly mentions that Crisco is suitable for vegans. Clearly one of the most important things a starving child in Africa needs to know about Crisco.

This has been removed. Thus ending my temptation to add:

...and is often sold by online gay retailers expressly for this purpose, albeit with a hefty mark-up. [11] Thus forcing tight-fisted gay men to buy it directly off the shelves at a grocery store.


The mark-up is encyclopedically documented in the reference. The rest of it follows logically, and I think is just as encyclopedic as the material which precedes it.

After reading this, presumably the next article destined for uses in popular culture should be Dettol - though having read the article, perhaps more than an armful might be dangerous

So who is Adam Tiedemann? Shouldn't some orc slaying Patroler of Rohan have found and corrected this?

Have you ever seen how long a colonocope is? I have no doubt this is possible. And also of course dangerous, given the blood supply of the colon and the consequences of rupture. That said, the fingers are potentially at least as sensitive as any mechanical instrument, even one that sees. So navigation is all in the technique....

Christoforo Colon

BTW: Parasites Lost (subject-- nanotechnology and Fry's bowel) is maybe the best Futurama episode, in a series which is outstanding. Parody of Fantastic Voyage.

For those of us who would rather see Wikipedia implode, this is actually an excellent plan. Could not a loose team of 5 or 6 editors perhaps make every third or fourth of their edits a ridiculously sexually overt claim with a reliable source to support it, all on "common" items, until the mainstream media and educators realize that Wikipedia is a complete joke?

Damn it, Tarantino, you really shouldn't have revealed this in public!

Ok, Benjiboi is Greg's sock and I claim my $5. AMIRITE?

An "other uses" is completely unwarranted here and at many other articles, per common sense (or at least what of that can be found at WP:UNDUE).

In this case, virtually all Crisco made is eaten. Any other uses can be mentioned in other articles on the relevant subject: converting it into diesel, smearing it on subway seats, shoving it up one's ass, or that it meets so-and-so religious sect dietary rules.

Feline1 ought to be whacked hard for that single comment -- a day or ten of exile seems reasonable to me. But looking at Feline1's talk page, it's clear you are dealing with a hard-core troll: his purpose isn't to educate impoverished african girls about the uses of Crisco, but to shock 60 year old ladies in Ohio, and (mis)using Wikipedia policy to justify his behavior. He's a fuckwit of the first order, and one that will eventually be ejected from the project, either by himself (no one is disgusted!) or by admin action. Why delay the inevitable?

If this info, uh, sticks, how does the Crisco company like to see this bit of knowledge in the first entry anyone would find in a google search? I know BLP's have certain protections but corporations, a legal person in the U.S., aren't entitled to this. Do companies ever try to complain when something in wp gives them bad PR? I'm sure the powers that be will probably ignore any of these complaints but how often does it happen?

If a school kid wants to do research on Crisco for some reason, I'm sure teachers and parents will love that this fact is there.